When it rains…

…you know the rest of how this adage goes.

Today, as I celebrate 99 days of sobriety, I am reminded of that saying, and another one: God never gives you more than you can handle–with his help.

I’m putting my faith full-force into a Higher Power that I barely know, let alone understand, today. This morning I got two phone calls in the wee hours. My mother: calling to inform me that she was in the hospital, had fallen, had broken a femur. 

Meanwhile, I had to go to the doctor myself, for a biopsy procedure. I was terrified, but the doctor assured me the likelihood of cancer is extremely low. It was nonetheless both necessary, and rather uncomfortable.

I’ve taken as many steps as I can, for now, to ensure that I will be well, and that my Mom will eventually be too. I’m waiting for her operation to be completed, then going to visit her. She’s wildly self-sufficient. I will be caring for her cat, who is slightly less capable, natch.

Last night, I mediated in the bath, head underwater, silent but for the sound of my pulse, as I repeated the mantra: “so hum, so hum.” I am, I am. And so it goes, as long as we are breathing, we have breath to focus on. As long as we have a pulse, we can listen and remember: We are, we are.

Without my recovery, and without the people who help me know there is a we to this disease, I could not feel as grateful, or as connected, or as sure of my faith as I do right now.

The rains fall, but we can still know peace, kindness, and love–all of which have poured down on me, through these challenging hours.


2 thoughts on “When it rains…

  1. Sarah, that’s beautiful. I’m so inspired by your strength — you’re not letting your brain eat itself, or if you are you’re taking good care of yourself. God helps those who help themselves — you’re in a much better position to take care or others when you can take care of yourself and I’m so happy that that’s what you’re doing. Prayers and love to you and your mom, and Buster, too. Also Chris and Al, why not. 💕❤️💕


    1. Thank you, Kit. I love you. You know better than pretty much anyone what my words really mean. Prayers and love back atcha, darling. Can’t wait to have you home! ❤


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